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Why do so many New Year’s resolutions and other self-improvement programs so quickly fade and end in defeat.  To understand this, we need to first know the difference between : Fantasy, Desire and Goal.

Fantasy : This is the realm in which most of the New Year’s resolutions and “new-me” programs actually dwell.

I have a fantasy to buy - say a Jaquar automobile, and I fantasize it. But when it actually comes to me to buy the vehicle, I back off. I back off because, the realities of what I want don’t match my fantasy. I want a vehicle that gives me good mileage, not too expensive to maintain, and more than that - the parts are easy to replace. This is the reality, and even though I love my Jaquar vehicle, I prefer to keep it as a fantasy alone.

A fantasy is actually a fiction. It is a typically pleasant image lying inert in the imagination.

Imagine my fantasy to own a Jaquar. When it comes to really being offered it, I back off. There are too many things I want to do that are incompatible with the implications of my fantasy. Its reality would preclude other things I truly want.

Desire : A desire is a conscious choice, tendency, or a force – weak or strong. You can fantasize about something you don’t desire.  Like fantasizing to buy a Jaquar car.

It is also possible to desire something you have never fantasized. I can desire a coffee to drink, but I don’t fantasize about it. Fantasy and desire are just two different things.

Many announcement of New year resolutions and new-me programs are just revelations of fantasy. They never get off the ground because they never get any grip on the will.

Even when there is will involved, as in the case of a desire, something more is needed that mere influence or inclination – if there is to be a significant chance of real change. It’s possible to have a desire, even a strong one, that never reaches the status of a goal.

Goal : A goal is a commitment. You never have a goal without a real commitment.

Desires just to come to us. If we start acting on all of our desires, our life would be a complete mess. Some of the desires would do permanent damage. Some would lead to situation that would not be good to us. Some would have consequences for the people we care about. We have to learn which of our desires to pursue and which to resist. This is often the most difficult tasks to achieve.

A desire is an influence on choice, but a goal is the result of a choice. What you have chosen to pursue is your goal. It’s not just a fantasy. It is not just a desire. It’s is a selected target, the determinant of a chosen direction, which gives guidance and direction to your subsequent choices.

A goal is never inert. If you are not moving in the direction of losing weight, you haven’t really taken weight loss as a goal. Not yet. If you are not moving in the direction of financial independence, then that’s not really one of your present goals. It may be a fantasy. It may be a desire. But it’s not yet a goal.

Too many new year resolutions and other “decisions” to make a new-you often fails because they never get out of the realms of fantasy or desire and achieve the true status of a goal, a genuine commitment of the will.

Once you know your goal - Bring back desires and fantasy

Once you take something as a goal, once you make that commitment of the will, you should then work backward through the progression we have just been discussing. Now we need fantasy and desires to support our goals. The desires which will move you towards your goal and not those that will move you away. The fantasies that increases your imagination and you begin to see things in your mind even before you have achieved your goal.

One example of this would be of an Olympic athlete who wishes to win Olympic gold. He(she) now fantasize about walking down the road with a gold medal in her neck. She sees press and media around her. She fantasize her winning about the medal. Everything for a purpose – to achieve her goal of winning her Olympic gold medal.

Imagine she loved ice cream. It is a desire. Now her coach asked her to keep her away from icecream for diet reason. To achieve a goal, she has now to forsake a desire. Because her desire to eat ice cream and her goal to achieve Olympic gold are complementary to each other, and only one can exist at the same time.

Summary : Goal setting must be an act of will that engages the whole person. Once we have a goal,  we go back to bring desires and fantasies to our world - to help us in our goal. We make sure to cultivate supporting desires that will facilitate reaching that goal. And we resist and uproot desires that will make it more difficult to hit our target.

In short - A fantasy is a dream, a desire in an inclination, a goal is a commitment of the will. What we need to have is a goal – not mere desires or fantasies.